Wrong and Right
by DillonRB
Summary: It's a rainy night and Kim reflects on her relationship with Jimmy...Set just after they got divorced.


_Another little one for you guys! Kim and Jimmy of course! It's set about a month after they split up the first time way back in pre-TW days (yes I know hard to believe there was such a time). Let me know your thoughts. Criticisms and compliments always welcome!_

_Enjoy!_

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It's late and the rest of the firehouse sleeps while the rain pours down outside. Tiny shards of water falling, falling from the sky shattering against the windows and pavement below. He stands by the window and watches the rain, tracing the drops as they race each other to the bottom, betting with himself as to which will make it there first. 

Standing on the bottom step she leans against the railing and watches him for a minute. He's never looked so beautiful to her than in that moment, knowing that she can't have him, that he's not hers to have anymore. But with the street lamp just outside casting a half-glow across his face, illuminating his gorgeous eyes as they follow the raindrops, fascinated she can't help but feel that all too familiar stabbing need to love him, even just for a second.

He's always loved the rain she remembers. Their first anniversary, he'd organized a baby-sitter and taken her to the beach and they'd watched as the blue sky faded and dark foreboding clouds rolled in blanketing the blue above them. Then the rain had started, tears rolling down on them, but nothing, especially not the rain, could ruin their night.

He'd taken her in his arms and held her close as the summer rain drenched them from head to toe. They'd danced together to a tuneless song only they could hear under the black night skies, their bodies pressed close, but never close enough to each other to be completely satisfied. Life had never been so perfect. She'd fallen in love with him for the millionth time that night and a million times more after that.

There were moments when she'd watch him, like tonight, and her heart would ache with so much love for the man before her eyes that she'd thought perhaps she'd go crazy loving him so much when she couldn't share it with him.

They had been so happy, so in love at one point, but then time and circumstance had conspired against her and driven them apart to where she could barely see that man that she thought she had known better than anybody. He was lost to her. A mystery all of a sudden that she could never seem to understand. He had hurt her more than she cared to remember but still she couldn't help but cry out for him on the inside every second she was in a room with him.

She was burdened by so many feelings that somehow in someway this had all been her fault. Maybe she hadn't loved him enough, maybe she had done something, anything that had driven him away from her and into someone else's, no not just someone else, her sister's arms.

So many people had told her it was unforgivable and with the hurt clouding her heart she had done what she had to do to protect herself from being subjected to those feelings again. Walking away from him had been the hardest decision of her life knowing that despite all his flaws and indiscretions she could not stop her heart from loving him even a little bit.

In the days and now weeks, she'd sit opposite him, the two of them alone at the kitchen table at the firehouse a deafening silence surrounding them or she'd discover that it was just the two of them upstairs by their lockers at the end of a long shift, hearts silently screaming for each other so many emotions untold, unresolved floating between them.

Those were the hardest moments of her life. Being alone in a quiet room with him, that look of regret in his eyes, wanting him, needing him, loving and missing him and knowing he was right there and she could have everything she ever needed again. But she wanted him forever and she couldn't walk away from him a second time. She couldn't lose everything a second time, her heart wasn't strong enough for that.

Her heart called out to him though, in those moments they were alone together, even if she couldn't, beating boldly for him, remembering so much shared passion and love between them, trying to cover the giant hole she had been left with when she'd walked away.

She approaches him now, almost silently, standing next to him looking out at the rain with him. She wants to reach out, right this second and touch him. Feel the warmth of his skin beneath the palm of her hand, feel his muscles tensing beneath the surface.

He glances sideways at her, unsure as always now, how he's supposed to act around her. Her arm brushes against his, bare skin connecting sending jolts of electricity through two tired bodies. Their hands are so close, dangling between them as they stare out into the night. Their finger's touch and she hooks one of hers over one of his trying to keep contact with his body even if it's minimal.

She looks up at him, "Why aren't you sleeping?" she asks quietly breaking the intense silence.

He sighs, "You know I could ask you the same question." She grips his whole hand now in her own as he looks away from the window and into her eyes, trying to read her thoughts. "I couldn't sleep. I looked over and your bunk was empty. Heard the rain, knew you'd be down here," she whispered returning his gaze her eyes boring into his soul.

He nods, loving the way she knows him so well regretting as he always does when he looks at her now the things he did to drive her away from him. "The city's beautiful in the rain," he murmurs his thumb running over the back of her hand where it still hangs by her side. She looks away from him, staring back through the window at the lights of the city, glowing brighter than usual, smudged by the raindrops and nods slowly.

She hears him next to her has he sucks in a breath sharply, opening and closing his mouth several times as if in indecision whether he's going to talk. Finally he goes with it, giving into the feelings raging inside him. "I miss you," his voice is quiet, barely audible had she not been so close to him but filled with so a whole month of longing.

They mutter each other's names at the same time and he steps in front of her to prevent her from running away if that is indeed what she intends to do. "I know I've said it a thousand times and saying it again doesn't make a difference Kim, but I'm sorry. I love you."

"Jimmy please don't....I just need...want...ugh I don't know..." she trails off not even sure what she had started out to say. He reaches up and gently touches the side of her face and she shivers. She's been longing, aching for him to touch her for weeks now. Each night lying in the bed she used to share with him thinking about how it would feel for him to hold her again. "Tell me what you need," he whispers, "I'll do anything for you, I swear."

She doesn't reply straight away contemplating being smart about this and heading back up to the bunks. "Just...I just need you to touch me," she chokes feeling him pulling her body into his embrace already.

She knows this is wrong, that she's making things harder for herself but she needs him right at that second and their completely alone, the rain outside beating gently against the window pane. This may be the wrong way to mend her broken heart but for tonight, in this moment being in his arms is the only thing that feels right.


End file.
